• THE THING: This TV show: Most Extreme Elimination Challenge
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        Japanese game show
            entertaining painful stunts
                redubbed in English.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (MXC) is on the Spike TV network (it used to be TNN, which used to stand for The National Network, which used to stand for The Nashville Network... I think).
  
  Is it so wrong to enjoy watching people subject themselves to horribly painful stunts?
  
  I have no idea of the actual point of the show, because they change it from the original Japanese. The show is a dubbed-over portrayal of a show called Takeshi's Castle. They contestants have to get through bunches of obstacles to get to the castle. All are hilarious. The Spinning Surfboard of Death. Sinkers and Floaters. Brass Balls. Basically, they are all ways to beat up the contestants. They have to wear a helmet, so they generally don't get TOO hurt.
  
  The dubbing obviously has NOTHING to do with the original dialogue. They replace the original speech with rapid-fire lewd comments and single entendres. It's just funny.
  
  When they first had it on, there was a 4 hour marathon, and I think I sat through every episode.
  
  It will be a long time until I get sick of this show.
  
  But, I am easily pleased.
  
  Just watch it.
  

• THE THING: A Short History of Nearly Everything, by Bill Bryson, © 2003
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  

  To see a snapshot           of our world and our place here.               Humbling. Frightening.

  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Bill Bryson is a pretty groovy dude. Another of his books: A Walk in the Woods is a true American journal classic. It's almost Bloggy in its frank and friendly style.
  
  A Short History of Nearly Everything is a bit different. Bryson has decided to take a sort of snapshot of what we know, scientifically, and dish it out in a simple organized fashion. He has become a sort of scientific translator, taking science-speak, and converting into something closer to a vernacular.
  
  He did a decent job.
  
  One of the nice things about it is that everybody will be familiar with something in this book. Some of the text will harken back to your school days, or perhaps discuss something you are interested in, or familiar with in some little way. He then fits it into the Grand Scheme of knowledge -- it's nice to see how your little nugget of info is part of the body of knowledge we have right now.
  
  At least how it fits into what we think we know right now.
  
  A few critical bits: I'm not very happy with the way it was organized. Sometimes it seemed to go chronologically according to discoveries, and sometimes it seemed to go chronologically according to what was discovered. Rarely do these things seem to jive... as our technology gets better, we tend to learn more about things further in the past. I had some problems stringing it all together. I honestly don't have a better suggestion for a layout, I was just a bit discombobulated at times.
  
  Also, I wish (just a smidge) that he had eliminated a lot of the wrong and disproven theories. There are many points where Bryson describes how we got to a certain way of thinking by discussing the ideas and research that was wrong first. It makes sense to do that, really... part of the point of the book is learning from past mistakes, but with a book of this scope, it just flicked bits of stuff at me that distracted me from the rest.
  
  It's easy to read, and I do highly recommend it. There are obviously a bunch more things in science that we know that are not included, but it is a good time capsule, of sorts, for much of current science. And it will certain give you some topics that would make good conversation starters. Necrotizing fasciitis, the reconstitutional ability of sponges, the likelihood that a civilization-ending meteor impact would give us less than a second warning, the fact that Yellowstone Park has been due to blow a choking layer of dust across most of the US for at least 30,000 years.... fun stuff like that!
  

Final Score on the Chris Worth Scale: $18.75. And for something that comprehensively describes most of what your college textbooks (total cost, probably around $2000, depending on your course of study -- and science books are usually the most!) attempted, that is a pretty good price!

• THE THING: The kid peeing in the parking lot
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        I'm not a parent
            nor do I wish to be, if
                you have to do this.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  OK, I do work with a lot of little kids. But I'm not much in the way of parenting, and I've never really had a parental urge. I just don't get kids and kid care. I cannot begin to explain how horrified I was today... Maybe if you are a parent, it's not a big deal, but for me... well, there was horror.
  
  I was going to the mall. The mall is a safe, innocent place to go. It has lots of shops and things to look at. It has free air conditioning when it is hot out. And today, it was HOT out.
  
  On the way into the mall, standing next to a van, was a mom and her son. He must have been somewhere between 1 and 2 years old. ANd he must have had to go to the bathroom. As I glanced back, he was standing there, arms akimbo. His pants were around his ankles. His mom was holding little willy at attention, and he was proudly peeing onto the parking lot. In plain sight. It was odd and horrible. That sight is going to haunt me for a long while.
  
  And I was totally flabbergasted! How did they get that point? Does the kid just say, "Mommy, I have to pee!", and then Mom tells him, "Well, Joey, whip out the little nubbin, and I'll point it in the right direction, and you can just let fly!"
  
  I don't think I could ever be a parent.
  

• THE THING: Origami Boulders
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  
  

  new twist on classic           paper folding art; brilliant               business idea!

  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Genius.
  
  Pure genius.
  
  It's a rare commidty. All the good ideas have been thought of already! The sponge. The jar. The pencil. The shoelace. Q-tips. Gummi candy. Scotch tape. Dial tones. Back scratchers. Pringles. A dustpan. College-ruled lined paper. The harmonica. Those cool folding camp chairs. Frisbees. Etch a Sketch. Welcome mats. Oral thermometers. Paper airplanes. Moccasins. The Invisible Dog Leash.
  
  What's left? There's nothing left!
  
  Alas, I was wrong. Someone, whose abilities can only be described as artistic genius, designed a new must-have product.
  
  The Origami Boulder. It's the ultimate desktop or shelf-top design element. And room in your house will feel the feng shui emminating from an origami boulder. Each is an original hand made work of art.
  
  I think everyone's getting boulders for christmas from me this year.
  
  [And scroll down to the bottom and read the "Letters from Dumb Dumbs". I almost wet myself. People get so worked up over some silly things.]
  

• THE THING: The Homestar Runner website
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  
  

  ingenously drawn,           skillfully animated,               and funny as hell.

  
  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  This is WAY too overdue. I have been addicted to the Homestar Runner world for a while now. I'm not exactly sure how long, but many, many months have elapsed since I first happened upon this wonderful outpost on the Internet...
  
  So, why do I go there? Well, go see. Peruse the cartoons... the animation comes in more styles than I can mention. There is the regular Homstar Runner gang, but there is also cartoons based on animation from the 1920's -- a sort of parallel universe. The full-length cartoons are hilarious, but the shorts are sweet nuggets of funniness, too. Strong Bad answers e-mails on, generally, a weekly basis, with humorous results!
  
  The characters are brilliantly built --
  Homestar Runner ("It's dot com!!")
  Marzipan ("I'm the only girl!")
  The Strong Brothers:
  Strong Bad ("You don't know it yet, but I'M the reason you're here. Check me out. No, seriously, check me out")
  Strong Mad ("KEEP IT ROLLIN'!!", and Strong Sad ("I always get locked in the bathtub.")
  
  There's Bubs, the concession stand owner (you just have to see him), Coach Z ("..pronounced with an 'oach Z'!"), and The Poopsmith, who does, indeed, smith the poop, and is currently respecting a vow of silence. Pom Pom and The King of Town round out the crew. Well, there is the "typo character": Homsar ("Don't look now, I'm just a friendly reminder"), who could be the funniest of all, in a surrealistic sort of way.
  
  The allusions riddled throughout are incredible. The Strong Bad e-mails are worth watching a few times to see the odd hidden interactive parts scattered throughout.
  
  There's a couple games in there, too... the Trogdor (the Burninator) game is unbelievably fun, in an Atari 2600 sort of way.
  
  The Homestar Runner site is exactly what web-based entertainment should be. Seriously.
  

• THE THING: Getting everything out of the attic.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        Steps, dust, sweat, dark, low.
            Forty silverfish, one for
                each attic visit.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Today was Get Everything Out of The Attic Day! And I have succeeded!
  
  I am amazed. It has to be 120 degrees up there. And it took me forty trips (YEP, I counted!) up and back to get everything out. A few things (sleeping bags, and a couple other soft things) could be tossed down gently, but mostly I had to lug it all down a box at a time. Whoof.
  
  I am going to rename the attic The Silverfish Sauna. Each time I went up, it seemed, I saw another one basking in the ultra-tropical splendor that is the attic. I actually don't think I killed as many as forty, but I did squash a bunch of those little buggers as I was up there. I'm pretty sure I got the whole lot of them. None survived -- at least that is what is going on my report.
  
  Now I am filling up the tub with some lukewarm water to bring down my body temperature. Seriously, right now I am hot blooded. Check it, and see. I've got a fever of 103.
  

• THE THING: This book: Mobius Highway by Howard V. Hendrix
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  
  

  poetically ripe,           prognosticatingly told,               science fiction tales.

  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  This is a collection of a dozen or so short sci fi stories. There is a bit of variety here... but they seemed to have little threads which chained them together.
  
  The stories were rife with socio-politico-religio-techno-predictions. Example: there are a couple stories which take place in the not-too-distant future, where the stars on the American flag have been replaced with a single white cross. VERY interesting...
  
  There is some cyberpunk-ian moments, which are always groovy to read, I think. It drifts from descriptive narrative-y things to violence and hate crimes, pretty fluidly. The shortest tale is a nearly incomprehensible poem, of sorts, called "Chameleon on a Mirror". The concept behind the title involves the consideration of: What colors would a chameleon turn if you were to place it in a box which was lined exclusively with mirrors? It was kind of a fun thing to think about for a few seconds...
  
  I ripped through most of them quickly (though, for the time that it spent on my "Currently reading.." list, it wouldn't seem so!), and enjoyed nearly all in some fashion.
  

Final Score on the Chris Worth Scale: $5.09. Which is exactly how much I paid for it... I think that's the first time that has happened.

• THE THING: The USA TV show called Monk.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  
  

  Detective series           that is clever and funny.               Neurotically great!

  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  I have been wanting to see this show for at least a year now. I somehow find Tony Shalhoub extremely funny. He was in Barton Fink, and the Men in Black movies. He was even funny in Wings, and, dare I say it, Stark Raving Mad.
  
  But I had no idea how good he can be. He's a detective who seems to have some neurotic disorders. He's sort of obsessive compulsive, with a great attention to detail. He seems to be a savant, somewhat, as well. This makes for a fine detective!
  
  I never really thought of myself as a fan of crime shows. That is, until I realized that I would watch Columbo any time it was on. My Law & Order addiction has reached medicate-able levels. If you can cram a good actor, a bunch of humor, and a decent detective story into the same show.... well, we certainly have something!
  
  I know I've only seen a single episode, but I can't recommend this program enough. I enjoyed it from the start. The acting is enjoyable. The crime/detective parts are creative and puzzling. The character subtext is involved, but they give you enough information so you can jump right in.
  
  And I recommend that you jump right in.
  
  [LATER EDITION UPDATE: Holy moley!! HOW COULD I FORGET Galaxy Quest!! Dang, that was funny -- especially for a geek like me. And Tony was amazing in that film. Amazing. I know I am going to get in trouble for saying this, but only Johhny Depp is as flexible an actor. Seriously -- Johnny Depp (did you see Edward Scissorhands? Did you see Ed Wood? Did you see Blow? Amazing.), and Tony Shalhoub -- numbers 1 and 2 in my book. SERIOUSLY.
  
  Seriously.]
  

• THE THING: The graffiti in the bathroom.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        Writing on the wall.
            Are they artists or vandals?
                Probably neither.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Yes, I am about to do a review of what some fellows wrote while taking a poop.
  
  What is it about being in a toilet stall that causes people to feel inspired to write on the wall? Can someone tell me, please?
  
  Of course, the writing is usually vile, sometimes interesting, and occasionally cryptic.
  
  Here's a couple of writings I've noticed --
  
  Someone wrote:
  

  Only thru [sic] pain are we truly alive.

  
  Someone else decided to respond:
  

  Pain is only an illusion.

  
  And a final answer, which appeared, due to its placement and sentiment, to be directed at both of them:
  

  You are SO cliché.

  
  
  I thought it was some intrepid conversation for a bathroom stall wall. I mean, this is deep stuff... deeper than the bowl next to which it is written...
  
  Another quick one before I go... someone had written, quite a while ago, the following:
  

  Celine Dion is beautiful.

  
  
  For weeks that stood there, unadulterated on the bathroom wall. It was high up, in a very reverent position as graffiti goes. I couldn't imagine how people could just let that stay there, and not place a witty, abusive rejoinder!
  
  Finally, I noticed that someone had written some advice for the author of the above message:
  

  Kill yourself.

  
  
  That's better.
  
  

• THE THING: Trying to find a kid-friendly myth.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        Looking for a tale
            related to the night sky
                that is G-rated.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Why do all the myths and legends of the night sky have to do with violence and horror and perverse sexuality??
  
  Every other month I do a storytellting show for little kids in the Planetarium... I have to search around for kid-safe stories. When it comes to classic myths and legends, there are VERY few. It doesn't matter what culture it was, the ancient people's had exclusively adult content when it came to constellation stories.
  
  Here's a couple examples:
  
  A Native American story goes like this:
  

  "The Coyote liked to show off to the girls by juggling his eyeballs. One day he threw one so high it stuck in the sky."

  
  You just can't tell that to 3 year olds!
  
  We could go with the standard Greek stories, but those are filled with adultery, incest, murder and lies! Vicious murders and lies! AND, apparently the major Greek gods were members of NAMBLA:
  

  "Ganymede is the young, beautiful boy that became one of Zeus’ lovers."

  
  I really don't want to support man-god-boy love in my shows.
  
  The Asian cultures were just as bad. They have tons of stories, as well. Many are interesting, of course, but I just can't use them. Like this:
  

  "A particular myth tells of when the man in the moon (Kidili) attempted to rape the first woman, Wati-kutjara threw a magical boomerang which severed the rapist's genitals."

  
  
  For a children's show, I try to avoid the words 'severed', 'rapist', AND 'genitals'.
  
  

• THE THING: Finding an apartment.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        An aprtment hunt
            which may have ended quickly...
                I hope not too quick!
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  So I have to find myself a place to live! Looks like the house is closing on September 18th. We just had a home inspection; as long a Mr. Inspector Man doesn't suggest we should tear down and rebuild, I think it's on!
  
  So I'm looking... the ad that caught my eye said the following:
  
  

  1 Br lakefrt, Fplc, W/D, Utils incl for one prof'l. $975

  
  There was also a location and a phone number listed, but with all my problems with stalkers lately, I figured I'd leave that info off.
  
  The only thing that was concerning me was the "...for one prof'l." bit. What does that mean? I checked my Electronic Pocket Oxford English Dictionary, and the only word that starts with 'prof' and ends with 'l' is "professional". I might not fit into that category. Am I a professional? I'm an astronomer... does that qualify me as a professional? I can't be sure.
  
  The only other word that it could have stood for that I could find in there was "profiterole"... but that seems to be a chocolate-covered cream puff. I might be considered a cream puff, in the athletic sense.
  
  Anyway, the ad sounded perfect! Lakefront... I live by a lake now! Fireplace... it was a household requirement when I was house shopping before!
  
  So I called the guy and went over to check it out. I really like a bunch of things, but I am in the middle of a little mental debate.
  
  A good thing: It's easy to get to, and certainly no further away from work than I am now.
  
  A bad thing: The apartment is kind of small. The kitchen is very galley. Almost a closet. I will need to buy a little island to have some counter space.
  
  A good thing: It is right on the water, the view of the lake is amazing. There is a wide deck onto which you are led by double doors flanked by tall windows. And I have access to the lake! I can bring the boat!! And no lake fees! I can even swim right off the dock behind the house. Oh, and the owner has a jacuzzi on the deck that I am free to use. And there is plenty of room on the deck for my yard furniture (I built that table! Sort of...) and the grill.
  
  A bad thing: It's somewhat small. It has an eat-in living room.
  
  A good thing: It has a bar in the living room. A BAR! Also, there is a liquor store and an Italian restaurant within easy walking distance. If you know me, you're probably wondering why I haven't moved in already.
  
  A bad thing: It's quite small. The bedroom is really a raised area without full-sized walls around it. There are half-high divider walls.
  
  A good thing: It has a fireplace. Well, really a wood-burning stove. But that's FINE! Might even be better... the more contained the fire is, the better. And the guy who owns the place (he lives in the top half of the house) gets wood that apparently I can use! Sweet.
  
  A bad thing: It's rather small. I'm not exactly sure where the couch would go. Loveseat -- no problem! I might be able to put the couch on the bar...
  
  A good thing: It's just a single apartment. I get to park in the driveway. There are no neighbors, except for the guy upstairs. He lives alone and seems real laid back.
  
  A bad thing: It's really small. I will need a storage unit or two to hang on to most of my stuff. You know, I always though I had too much stuff, anyway. But it is seriously small, even for having little stuff. Apparently, there used to be a couple living there. They must have been conjoined twins.
  
  A good thing: All is included in the rental price. Electric, heat, water, cable, everything. The only thing that is not is the phone. Maybe I'll just get a cell phone with unlimited minutes. *-gulp-* I ditched my cell phone a while back -- I don't know if I can return to the land of the cellular zombies.
  
  A bad thing: It is small. The cat will think she is still in her cat carrier once I let her out.
  
  It seems that there are a ton of GOODs and just one decent-sized BAD. I think I can overcome it. Also, it will be a month-to-month lease, so if it is way too much for me to handle, I can always bail after 6 months or something.
  
  I shall keep us posted...
  

• THE THING: This little story: The Poacher, by Ursula LeGuin.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        A brief adventure
            of a boy leaving his life
                to tunnel elsewhere.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  I don't think I've read any Ursula LeGuin before! I've read SciFi/Fantasy stuff my whole life, and I always saw her stuff creeping around, but never picked anything up.
  
  This was a nice tale of a boy trying to tunnel his way out of his miserable life. He lives with an abusive father that forces him to steal mushrooms and trap animals from private lands. One day, he stumbles upon a wall of brambles... he spends years cutting his way through to see what is on the other side. He finds a sort of secret garden back there -- there is a castle inside, but everyone is asleep, as if under some spell.
  
  Hey, living among a bunch of somnolent folks is better than being with abusive, awake people.
  
  He decides to stay.
  
  It was a great story for sitting outside on a summer day. It went quickly, and was a bit epic, which is surprising for a story that took me about an hour to read, and only had one character who wasn't comatose.
  

Final Score on the Chris Worth Scale: $2.00. No explanation, except for what I've poked in up above.

• THE THING: This radio station: WDST, Radio Woodstock -- World Class Rock
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  

  Always employing           music that I'm enjoying.               Never annoying.

  
  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  [I wonder if that is the first rhyming haiku in history. Sorry about that.]
  
  WDST is from Woodstock, NY. Not exactly where the big ol' concert was held, but it is its namesake.
  
  It is, I'm pretty sure, the last independently owned radio station on the planet. If you are listening to another station, it is probably owned and homogenized by Clear Channel... 25% of the ears directed towards a radio are directed to a station owned by one company. Hey, whatever -- it's capitalism, right?
  
  I just have to say that WDST has the best music and DJs I have ever heard. I used to live close enough to tune in live, but now I have to stream them via the Internet (gotta love this Internet thing.... I hope it sticks around...).
  
  In the time that I have been sitting here, I jotted down a bunch of bands I've heard -- There was David Bowie, Widespread Panic, Ben Harper, Blondie, Lifehouse, Erin McKeown, REM, The Who, Coldplay, Natalie Imbruglia, and the Gin Blossoms. Those are the ones I recognized... there were a few others whose names I failed to catch. Ryan Adams just ended a song. Right now there is something on I don't know, but I LOVE IT. Something about a painkiller. The line that just went by was "You give me so much love that it blows my brains out..." OK... Hang on...
  
  I'm back!! I just looked up that line on Google -- the band is apparently "Turin Brakes". They are wonderful. I love this station.
  
  If you like music you'll like this station. "What kind of music?" you ask? Just music. They just play music. What a refreshing change... there's not really a format. I think they most closely fit into what is called "adult alternative" but they are NOT limited by that at all. Just check it out...
  
  Edwyn Collins just came on...
  

• THE THING: This movie: The 13th Warrior.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  

  Action, adventure,           arabs, norsemen, cannibals.               lots of big battles!

  
  
  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  This movie was on SciFi yesterday afternoon... I usually don't watch movies on TV, but I seem to be on a TV movie kick lately.
  
  This was a perfect TV movie! Not too deep, but with enough action and mystery to move things along.
  
  Antonio Banderas gets drawn into an excursion to help some Norse fellows (12 of them, plus him -- the 13th Warrior! Get it?) take care of some cannabalistic demon dudes who are ravaging some northern city.
  
  The intro is brief and concise. The plot is trim and ever-forward. The characters are grim and purposeful. No one is terribly likeable, but are certainly duty-bound. There's a lot of honor being bandied about. Basically, the whole thing is about Antonio going from sissy-boy to butt-kicker. It made for a fun afternoon.
  
  

• THE THING: This movie: The Importance of Being Earnest.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  

  Tries to be clever,           and surprising and funny.               Doesn't pull it off.

  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  I'm sort of on a Reese Witherspoon kick, I guess, since I Haiku Reviewed Pleasantville a few Blogs ago!
  
  In this movie, she's crazy.
  
  The show follows some guy who lives in the coutryside, and pretends to have a brother named "Earnest" so he can run off and play in the city on a regular basis. [Why can't he just say, "I wanna go play in the city!"?]
  
  He visits his friend, who pretends to have a sick buddy named "Bumbry" so that he can run off and skip out of social engagements. This dude also seems to have some furious monetary issues -- he doesn't pay for anything. He doesn't even pay his butler.
  
  The first guy (I don't remember anyone's name) is in charge of his cousin, who seems to have fallen in love with the made up person named Earnest. Check this out: She loves someone she has never met. And is her cousin. Yikes.
  
  Basically, all the people are either lying or in love with someone who is lying.
  
  Well, the whole thing comes to head when all the people who pretended to be someone else come together. Everyone's trying to marry their cousins, and people are related all over the place. It seems to try so hard to be funny and clever, but it just seems muddled and incestuous.
  
  On the good side: The acting seems pretty good, and the sets and costumes required some effort!
  
  But, it was not my favorite film ever, I must say...
  

• THE THING: This book: Ariel, by Steven R. Boyett
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  
  

  Sounds silly at first,           then gets dark and dangerous,               no happy ending.

  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  If someone had told me what this book was about before I grabbed it on a whim from Fictionwise, I would have never read it. And, though I guess I would have not been the wiser, I would have been missing out on a great one.
  
  With that known, I am still going to lay out a brief overview for the rest of the world...
  
  It takes place somewhere near present day. For some reason, all of a sudden, all machines (basically) and electronics and explosions stop working. No phones, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury. At the same time, magical things begin to work. Wizards appear, as well as mythical creatures like griffons and dragons. Of course, unicorns show up, as well.
  
  The story mainly follows the journey of a boy named Pete, and his unicorn, titularly named Ariel. Normally, one might think that a magical world without the disruption of industry might be a nice place. I mean I know there's not a lot of the things we take for granted, but there's MAGIC! You can do whatever you want! Sounds pretty sweet to me, anyway. Some things are nice -- when The Change occurred, all the air and water pollution seemed to go away. But aside from a few niceties, mostly the world is a sort of post-apocalyptic nightmare. It definitely has a scrounge-and-horde Mad-Max-style feel to it.
  
  When I found out this dude penned his book when he was 18, I was quite impressed. And the afterword for this e-book reissue has a lot about his "creative process". It reminded me of how I write, and legitimized (in my brain) my own writing style. NOT my Blog-writing style -- that's quite a bit different than my fiction work. Nothing legitimizes my Blogs... :)
  
  Anyhoo, it's a dandy of a book -- the plotline sounds as if it belongs in the "Young Adult" section, but the violence and horror keeps it out of there, for sure.
  

Final Score on the Chris Worth Scale: $14.95. If they print this thing in trade paperback, buy it for your collection. Otherwise, Buy eBooks!

• THE THING: The movie called Pleasantville.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        Starts out as expected
            but builds unexpectedly...
                quite a lot to see.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Pleasantville was on TNT last night! And there was nothing else on that I wanted to see. For some reason I have wanted to see this film for YEARS, and just always passed it up for something else.
  
  I was not disappointed.
  
  The springboard into the main part of the story is a sort of silly, bad Twilight Zone or Amazing Sotries device, but it got us to where we needed to go -- two people from the a modern world trapped in a TV show from half a century ago.
  
  The clash of societies has been done before, but this was an interesting look at it, I thought. There was a nice unfolding of the pristeen, perfect Pleasantville world. Everyone seems nice, decent, and, dare I say, pleasant. The town seems rather homogenous. But as they interlopers introduce modern thoughts into their society, the people are unveiled. Some are truly pleasant, some hold back feelings that they wish they could release, and some are downright dangerous and violent.
  
  The film hints at elements, images, and issues of religion, racism, choice, beauty, tolerance, and suppression (many others... this is a tiny list). Sometimes it's quite overt, and other times it's a bit more subtle. I actually would like to see it again to see what I missed.
  
  It is presented in appropriate style, with a fine attention to detail.
  
  It's an enjoyable watch (if a book can be a "good read", a movie can be an "enjoyable watch"!) -- funny and clever. Or, perhaps more appropriately: nifty and keen.
  

• THE THING: This series of books by Jack Vance:
  
  
  
  
  • Lyonesse Book 1: Suldrun's Garden
    
  • Lyonesse Book 2: The Green Pearl
    
  • Lyonesse Book 3: Madouc
    
  
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
  
  
  
  
  

  Starts out tedious           Seems too much to get it all.               Then draws you all in.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  The epic proceeds.           An investment in book 1               requires book 2.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  The epic concludes.           More magic, battles, secrets.               a grande finale.

  
  
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  When I began the first book in the series, Suldrun's Garden, I was instantly confused. The first chunk of the story consisted of verbose descriptions of the countryside and its history. I was unengaged, but for some reason decided to continue. The story proceeded into some interactions between kings and their offspring. It spent sometime following the birth of an unwanted daughter (Suldrun). Suddenly, a whole world of kings, wizards, faeries, trolls, and complete other worlds are introduced. A story that began at an intolerably slow pace flipped into a whirlwind of characters and places that seemed impossible to keep track of. Characters travelled in disguise and with assumed names. My brain was swimming...
  
  I almost discarded the book about a dozen times.
  
  But as the threads of the story are cleverly interwoven, I found that I had invested too much time and effort, and I craved the payoff. I could see, unfolding before me, what could possibly be the most epic fantasy story I had ever read. It had a sort of potpourri of everything fantastic. For a time it seemed disjointed... a regal clash of kings on one chapter, a troll eating children in the next... but it somehow worked to build a full, rich world.
  
  The characters are consistent, but develop throughout. The third book ties up loose ends from the first. This series of three is a tidy package of a huge fantastic world. I must compare it, in style, scope and quality to what is probably my favorite series of books: The Amber Series, by Roger Zelazny (available all together in The Great Book of Amber).
  

Final Score on the Chris Worth Scale: All three together, I would score the package at $40. It was tremendous, surprising, and original. I shall read them again, and that is a rare thing.

• THE THING: A bug bite.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        Vicious mosquito
            managed to find my butt crack
                and got a mouthful.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Tonight I was just sitting outside trying to read a bit. I KNOW that dusk is when the blood sucking insects appear and begin their nightly feed. I KNOW that they have an exceptional effect on me. I KNOW that when I get a tiny little bug bite that I swell up like crazy.
  
  I did NOT KNOW they they could possibly slide down my pajama pants and bite me on MY BUTT CRACK!! I HAVE A BUTT CRACK BUG BITE SWOLLEN INSATIABLE ITCH!!!! I have about 6 other bites on my feet, as well, but the crack one is the one about which I am mostly concerned.
  
  My only consolation is that the mosquito received ass blood. Wait! He actually receive ass CRACK blood, which, I think, would be even worse. I have never been a blood sucker, personally, so I do not know the nuances of blood from a variety of places, BUT IF I DID, I can only assume that ass crack blood is the nasty blood.
  
  So, a mosquito is flying around with blood extracted from BETWEEN MY ASS CHEEKS.
  
  Man, it's itchy.
  
  

• THE THING: A dream
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        I had my first dream
            which had a commercial break.
                TV overload?
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  It was so odd. I was just having a regular dream last night -- nothing major, I think it was a repeat. It was a just one of my classic, oridinary dreams like Sorority Car Wash, or Sorority Pillow Fight, or Sorority Locker Room Towel Fight... nothing unusual.
  
  When, right in the middle (I swear this actually happened!), my dream went dark, and went to commercial. I remember it quite well (I just woke up, actually). I went just like this:
  

  ---

  
  The scene opens to two guys sitting in an apartment.
  
  Guy #1: "Hey, where's Jeff?"
  
  Guy #2, with a big smile: "He's out trying out his new birthday present. That I got him." Guy #2 sits back with a smug smile.
  
  Guy #1 leans forward inquisitively: "What'd you get him?"
  
  Guy #2: "A new parachute!"
  
  Guy #1: "A new parachute? That's pretty cool. Jeff loves parachuting. But a new parachute is expensive. You don't have any money. Where'd you get it?"
  
  Guy #2: "I got it at cheapusedstuff.com. It's the best! They have everything you could ever want! This parachute was just twenty bucks!"
  
  Guy #1: "You got Jeff a cheap, used parachute?"
  
  Guy #2: "Naw! This one was new! It said it on the site!"
  
  Guy #1: "I've been to cheapusedstuff.com. They just sell used stuff!"
  
  Guy #2: "Not the parachute. It said that it had never been taken out of the packaging."
  
  Guy #1 thinks for a second a asks: "What did it say, exactly?"
  
  The camera zooms in a Guy#2, face all squirreled up in a pose of thought -- it zooms right into his forehead, and the camera fades to his memory. We see the computer screen that Guy #2 saw. The description next to the picture says simply "Never opened!" The point of view of his memory centers on the word used in cheapusedstuff.com. Then back to "Never opened!" Then back to used. And back to "Never Opened!" The point of view zooms back out of Guy #2's brain and we find him just screaming. The picture fades into a guy with a helmet an goggles (who is obviously Jeff) screaming in exactly the same fashion.
  
  The screen goes black, but you can still hear the screaming. There is a voice over that says "cheapusedstuff.com. [that shows up on the screen] Where you can get anything you want, cheap and used. But, please be careful."
  

  ---

  
  And then it was right back into Naked Invaders From the Planet Sorority, or whatever the "main" dream was.
  
  I can't believe even my BRAIN has commercials now. By the way, cheapusedstuff.com is not a real site. I woke up an looked for it right off once I woke up. If it had been a real site, I think I might have freaked out. I would start wearing aluminum foil helmets to protect my brain from getting beaming with any more corporate advertising.
  
  Although, since I did check for the site immediately, apparently is was a good, effective commercial. I suppose I'm pleased that at least my brain isn't making bad commercials.