• THE THING: "Help" on the phone from UPS.
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        Customer service
            doesn't have to be perfect.
                Please, at least, just try.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  I ordered a package of stuff from Homestar Runner -- a CD and some little models of some of the characters.
  
  I filled in the order form quickly, because the place had most of my info already, which was great! My faithful readers will know that I have recently moved. Well, when I got the confirmation e-mail for the order... they had my old address! ACK!
  
  I quickly whipped off an e-mail saying that the address was wrong and I needed to change it. They immediately responded that I needed to talk to UPS. So I called.
  
  

  ---

  
  ME: Hi. I'm an idiot. I just placed an order with a company and they had my old address. I need to change the delivery address, if possible.
  
  UPS PERSON: Sure! You can't do it now, though, you have to wait until it hits the hub near you. It will on Monday -- just call back then! No problem.
  

  ---

  
  
  Cool.
  
  Monday comes around... I call.
  
  

  ---

  
  ME: Hi. I'm an idiot. I just placed an order with a company and they had my old address. I need to change the delivery address, if possible. I talked to someone last week, and they said I could call back now and do that.
  
  UPS PERSON: You can't do it until the driver makes one delivery attempt.
  
  ME: What? Why?
  
  UPS PERSON: So that we know it is the wrong address.
  
  ME: BUT, if the driver comes and there is no one there, won't he just leave it at the house?
  
  UPS PERSON: Yes.
  
  ME: Well that's a problem! If he leaves it, the homeowners might just trash it. There is a chance that I will never see this stuff!
  
  UPS PERSON: That's the way it is. It'll be delivered today. If it is rejected, you can try tomorrow.
  
  ME: Great...
  
  ... and I hung up.
  

  ---

  
  
  So, I called back the next day.
  
  

  ---

  
  ME: Hi. I'm an idiot. I just placed an order with a company and they had my old address. I need to change the delivery address, if possible. I talked to someone last week, and they said I could call back now and do that. And I talked to someone yesterday, and they said that the driver would have to make an attempt first. That should have happened by now, so I am seeing if the package was rejected. (I gave him my tracking number.)
  
  UPS PERSON: Actually, it hasn't been delivered yet at all.
  
  ME: Oh. Well, I guess I can't fix it then. The person told me I can't change it until the driver tries once. Is that true?
  
  UPS PERSON: Yes.
  
  ME: You see, I was just worried that he will just leave it there, and the people wouldn't want to have to call UPS back so they just throw it away.
  
  UPS PERSON: Yeah, that would be bad.
  
  ME: So you can't fix it.
  
  UPS PERSON: Well, I can try. See, we can send a message over to the hub and the drivers, and if they get the message in time. They might not, though. There's no guarantee.
  
  ME: [silence.]
  
  UPS PERSON: So. Would you like me to try?
  
  ME: [longer, even more dumbfounded silence.]
  
  UPS PERSON: Sir?
  
  ME: YES! OHMIGOD are you freaking kidding me??
  
  UPS PERSON: Excuse me?
  
  ME: You even have to ask THAT QUESTION? Yes, try!! That is what I have been asking for all along!! I don't want you to hop on a pony and scurry over with a handwritten sealed message!! Just try! Are you kidding?
  
  UPS PERSON: I'm not kidding, sir.
  
  ME: Well then DO IT! Holy crap. The other person I talked to could have TRIED, as well???
  
  UPS PERSON: If she wanted to, yes sir.
  
  ME: [extremely dumbfounded silence. punctuated by exasperated gasps.]
  
  UPS PERSON: So, I'll send the message over, and they will get back to you within the hour with a result.
  

  ---

  
  
  And they did. And it was fixed.
  
  Holey moley.
  
  
  I am unsure that I will be able to finish my life without taking someone else's.
  
  I think I am getting old and crotchety.