Thursday, November 11, 2004

This crazy geezer was driving this car on Route 80 in New jersey! It was a chilly day, too, as likely indicated by his attire.

Posted by Hello

I just accidentally had my camera with me, and had to snap his picture.
I swear, I had a dream about this last night. I had to make it real now that I have awoken. I have embellished a couple things, but 96.2% of it appeared in my sleep! My brain is an odd place.

Welcome to the Pretentious Kids Toy Store! We've been serving the needs of the rich and spoiled since the Regean era.

We are well known for thinking out of the box to truly satisfy the spoiled rich kids of the world, and we are so excited to present our newest gift idea -- President of the United States!

We know it sounds impossible, but rest assured it is not. The Pretentious Kids Toy Store will promise you the position of President of the United States. No matter what.

  • Don't have the mental acumen to be President? No problem!
  • Have you financially destroyed four (4) oil companies which were gifts to you? What does that have to do with running a country with the highest GDP in the world?
  • Have a history of drugs and drinking? Not an issue at all!
  • You have 2 daughters who have only appeared in public sober once, and that was in court to defend an underage drinking charge? GREAT! It just increases your appeal to the younger binge drinking set!
  • You're actually a traitor to your country for signing up to serve, and instead of reporting for duty, you deciding partying is a bit more important? Don't worry! We can make that a non-issue!
  • Have financial ties to regimes that train terrosists exclusively for killing Americans? Great! It'll just confuse the ignorant!

So what do you get as President? You get to give all of your friends powerful positions. You get to instill fear in 300 million Americans, and truly terrorize billions of people world wide -- a great outlet for the bully in you. AND, you get to be on vacation FORTY PERCENT OF THE TIME!

How much would you pay to be the most powerful leader of the free world? $100 trillion? $300 trillion?

The Pretentious Kids Toy Store is offering all of this for the low, low price of $12 trillion dollars. [***] NOTE: THIS ITEM IS CURRENTLY OUT OF STOCK. MORE ARE EXPECTED TO SHIP IN 2008.

It sounds like a lot, but we have a wonderful payment plan, where you can borrow money from the working people of America, and never have to pay it back.

This offer is a 4 year subscription; in order to renew the subscription for another 4 years, you may need to truly terrify the American people, and kill hundreds of thousands of foreigners of your choice.

Please note that the charge for this order will appear on your credit card statement as the following:

  • "The Saudi Royal Family, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia"
  • "Halliburton, Houston, TX, USA"
  • "Diebold Incorporated, North Canton, Ohio, USA"
  • "Election Systems & Software, Inc., Omaha, NE, USA"
  • "Karl Rove, Austin, TX, USA"