Tuesday, March 23, 2004

The Question of the Day site is one I frequent. I actually send the QOD out to a bunch of people, and we all try to get the right answer. It's a silly way to start and finish the day. Much of the time, the questions are worded poorly. Much of the time the correct answer isn't even given as a choice. It reminds me a little of part of the disclaimer at the beginning of What Do You Know with Michael Feldman -- "The questions have been researched, but the answers have not."

Today's question just got my brain all juiced up. It looks like this:

Q: Approximately how many different ways can you order
coffee from Starbucks?


I thought the vague language just itched for me to go off on the concept.

You can order coffee...

  • ...the regular way
  • ...standing on one foot
  • ...while itching your head
  • ...while rubbing your belly
  • ...while itching you head and rubbing your belly
  • ...while itching your head, rubbing your belly, and standing on one foot
  • ...jumping up and down
  • ...lying on the floor
  • ...with your head tilted to one side like a curious puppy
  • ...with a bad fake cockney accent. "'ey! Oi'd loike an 'alf-caffeinated 'azelnut latte!"
  • ...while doing a late 1980's Michael Jackson style 'moonwalk'
  • ...naked
  • ...by using charades
  • ...in pig latin. "es-yay. I ould-way ike-lay an appaccino-kay."
  • ...very loudly
  • ...in a way that will bother them. It's simple. Just ask for a 'large'. Or something smaller than 'tall'.
    "Is tall the smallest? Cuz it sounds too much for me. What's smaller than tall? Can I have a 'short'? 'Petite', perhaps? Yeah, never mind, I don't want anything -- 'tall' is too big."
  • ...by asking for an iced coffee, but ask for it 'as hot as you can make it.'
  • ...in gibberish. "I'd like a melon-hot sweet-tart plunger monkey frappachino."
  • ...by using a big voice and fake echo, as if you were an announcer at a ballpark. "YES-ES-es.... I-I-i... WOULD-OULD-ould... LIKE-like-ike... COFFEE-OFFEE-offee."
  • ...by mispronouncing things on the menu, and INSISTING you are correct.
    "Hi. I'd like a 'late'."
    "Sir, it's pronounced 'lah-tay'. It's a latte."
    "OH, NO, I'm pretty sure it's 'late'."
  • ...by asking for a flavored latte, and when they ask what flavor shot you want, ask for a bunch of ones you're pretty sure they don't have, and then be flabbergasted by the fact that they don't have them.
    "What flavor?"
    "I'll have salmon. No salmon? Oh, OK... hmmm... broccoli, then. NO BROCCOLI?? It's a pretty common flavor. What about nacho or ranch flavoring? NO??! *--sigh--* All right, I'll just take barbecue. No barbecue flavor? You can get anything barbecue flavored!!"
  • ...by leaning forward very close to the person and whispering. Let your eyes dart around as you order as if you are doing something illegal.

Feel free to make up your own.