Not that I update this much, but I should mention that I will be away from technology for at least 10 days.

See you in June!

There's a game called Pig Pile.

I've played it a bunch of times now. I attend a regular game night, and it seemed to pass the harsh game night crowd standards! I've also played it with family and friends, and we all seem to find it fun. I know I do.

It basically a card game that looks an AWFUL LOT like a standard card game called Palace. You can play a card on top of another if it has a value equal to, or greater than the card that is there. If you don't have a card to play, you must pick up the ENTIRE discard pile and add it to your hand. There are some cards face down in front of you that you have to work towards. First one to ditch all cards wins, and gets 3 pig points. Next one out gets 2 pig points. Everyone else gets 1 pig point, except for the person who has the most cards.

You actually keep track of the score with little pigs. And that's the best part -- collecting the little pigs. And setting them up in odd formations.

And, for some of us, sticking them in our ears. This is someone who will only be referred to as "The Colonel" (his actually identity will remain hidden for his own protection!!) enjoying those pigs.




It's a good game. Not too expensive. Quite easy to learn. Looks like a keeper.

PICTURES!! PICTURES!!

Ok, I am so happy now.

First -- I'm getting used to the new Blogger interface. I knew I would. There are still some issues I have, but I'm sure I'll get over.

Second -- and, oh so much more importantly, I can use the "Hello" program to post pictures! And host pictures!! This is awesome and amazing and free and makes me SO MUCH happier. There are many times that I've wanted to put pictures, but couldn't. I use Yahoo, but they scramble their web addresses, so you can't put a permanent link to them.

Hello lets me include the picture!

I needed this. My day has been sucking so far, and there is a decent amount of suck left to go. I am a smidge happier now.

This is a test to see if I can use "Hello" to post pictures to my Blog. This would be good. I could take the pictures of the Planetarium web site -- I'm sure I'm breaking a rule or 2. 

SO FAR I do not like the new Blogger interface. It takes more clicks to do the simplest things, and makes it harder for me to see the things I am used to seeing (like recently updated Blogs).

It won't stop me from Blogging, but if it looked like this when I started, I probably wouldn't have stayed with it long.

Sorry, Blogger folks. If you could change some stuff BACK I would be thrilled. The old panel of posting and publishing was nice. I did a LOT of test posts before I published before. Doesn't look like that's even an option anymore. Oh, wait. Maybe it is "Save as Draft".

Urf. I am not in the mood for change.

I'm sure I'll come around.

I was in a restaurant this weekend, and I overheard part of a conversation. It went like this...

"...because you see, fish don't have legs. Chickens have legs."

I have been haunted by this since. I really, really want to know how that could possibly fit into a conversation.

It's been a couple weeks since I've been over here. Sorry about that. Not much time to write, really.

But I needed to take time out of my busy schedule because I stumbled over the craziest thing. This is for dog owners everywhere: The Pet A Potty.

Check it out -- you don't have to take your dog out anymore. It's a patch of grass you keep in the house. Seriously. You have to mow it. You still have to scoop, but the pee dribbles through to a pan you have to clean regularly.

Don't have enough crap in the house?? Get a Pet A Potty. Their website has a video/slideshow preview that actually shows dogs 'in the act'. I thought it was fake at first, since the pictures showed some dogs with a turd half out. Crazy.

With the wheels and sod and everything, it can be yours for the low, low price of $270.

Overheard.

I was just walking down the hall and there was a student out there on her cell phone, talking in a regular-volumed voice.

Here's what a heard:

"Yeah, he likes to talk when were doing it.... I know!.... yeah, drives me nuts.... he's hot, though, so it doesn't matter."

That is certainly not some conversation I thought I'd ever hear.

I just finished Nymphomation, by Jeff Noon.

Easy to read		A literary workout
Read it before		A novel with novelty
Lost my interest		Kept me riveted

Jeff Noon is just a wickedly nifty author. Vurt was the first novel of his that I 'read'. I actually purchased the audiobook on a whim. I burned through the cassettes tons of times, and then Rob ripped them to CDs for me. I've actually listened to the CDs so much that they are all beat up, too. It really doesn't matter much since I can basically recite the whole thing, and I've since purchesed the paper form, and read it a couple of times.

Nymphomation is based around a TV show which is a sort of lottery. People buy electronic dominoes, and if their domino ends up matching the domino that is shown on the program, you min big money. It's a huge fad around Manchester. But when a couple of the winners turn up dead, it seems there is more to the game than is easily seen.

The book flashes back 30 years or so to a class of failing students who learn about math and life from a new, innovative teacher, who bases all of her lessons on the game of dominoes... there is an obvious connection!

The book explores this connection, and goes on to play around in chaos, game theory and other mathematics invented just for the tale. It takes place in a near-future filled with fast-food and curry shops, where mechanical insects - blurbflies - buzz around with advertising slogans, and an entire culture is addicted to a lottery game show.

It's a cyberpunk novel, of sorts... it's impossible to describe. Jeff Noon writes science fiction in a style which is somewhere between fantasy and beatnik. He opens the chapters with crazy rants that set the frenzied mood, and grab hold of you once you grow accostomed to the flavor.

Page 27: "Native gamblers, stuck superlove crazy to the televiz, goggle-eyed and numberholic as the credits came in colours. Tango the dominoes, forever changing. Pipsville, dig those chances! Bulging air, message-heavy. Blurbflies in a swarm, singing streets alive. Madverts. Dream to play! Play to win! Win to dream! All over the city, that wet and slippy evening, surrounded by biscuits and crumble, herds of punters were banging their bones on cofe tables and dashboards, mouse pads and park benches, watching tiny dots pulsate in crooked rhythm."

The wonderland feel is further enhanced by things like Page 319: "'Twas nine-ish, and the slimy hordes did clack and gamble in the wave. All dotty were the game-parades, and the telebox did crave. 'Beware the Dominock, my daught, the pips that on young chances feed! Beware the House of Bone and shun the Mr. Millipede!' ...
'Twas nine-ish, and the spotty numbs did gamb and dumble in the games. All pippy were the domisums, and the telebox in flames."

Crazy and cool. Lyrical and fanciful.

Last Thursday, I went to see Hellboy.

A simple story		A complicated tale
Seen it before		A fresh perspective
Visually ordinary		Special effects-y

It was a nifty film. The characters had a bunch of depth. The scenery was dark, but not overly so.

And there is a lot of fighting. A LOT of fighting -- guns, knives, swords, fists, explosions -- it's all there. There are some awfully nasty-looking demons.

It's certainly not for everyone, but if you like intense action wrapped around an epic storyline spanning 60 years, involving Nazis, demons, gods of chaos frozen at the edge of the solar system, and the end of the world - apocalypse-style, go check it out.

Breathless fun! Enjoy!

This is something that has been in my brain for a VERY long time....

I saw a bumper sticker on the back of a car which said:

"Keep the Earth clean. It's not Uranus."

As an Astronomer, and a person who keeps his butt tidy, I am personally offended by this bumper sticker on many levels.

The Question of the Day site is one I frequent. I actually send the QOD out to a bunch of people, and we all try to get the right answer. It's a silly way to start and finish the day. Much of the time, the questions are worded poorly. Much of the time the correct answer isn't even given as a choice. It reminds me a little of part of the disclaimer at the beginning of What Do You Know with Michael Feldman -- "The questions have been researched, but the answers have not."

Today's question just got my brain all juiced up. It looks like this:

---

Q: Approximately how many different ways can you order
coffee from Starbucks?

19,000
50
890
10,147
5024

---

I thought the vague language just itched for me to go off on the concept.

You can order coffee...

• ...the regular way
  
• ...standing on one foot
  
• ...while itching your head
  
• ...while rubbing your belly
  
• ...while itching you head and rubbing your belly
  
• ...while itching your head, rubbing your belly, and standing on one foot
  
• ...jumping up and down
  
• ...lying on the floor
  
• ...with your head tilted to one side like a curious puppy
  
• ...with a bad fake cockney accent. "'ey! Oi'd loike an 'alf-caffeinated 'azelnut latte!"
  
• ...while doing a late 1980's Michael Jackson style 'moonwalk'
  
• ...naked
  
• ...by using charades
  
• ...in pig latin. "es-yay. I ould-way ike-lay an appaccino-kay."
  
• ...very loudly
  
• ...in a way that will bother them. It's simple. Just ask for a 'large'. Or something smaller than 'tall'.
  "Is tall the smallest? Cuz it sounds too much for me. What's smaller than tall? Can I have a 'short'? 'Petite', perhaps? Yeah, never mind, I don't want anything -- 'tall' is too big."
  
• ...by asking for an iced coffee, but ask for it 'as hot as you can make it.'
  
• ...in gibberish. "I'd like a melon-hot sweet-tart plunger monkey frappachino."
  
• ...by using a big voice and fake echo, as if you were an announcer at a ballpark. "YES-ES-es.... I-I-i... WOULD-OULD-ould... LIKE-like-ike... COFFEE-OFFEE-offee."
  
• ...by mispronouncing things on the menu, and INSISTING you are correct.
  "Hi. I'd like a 'late'."
  "Sir, it's pronounced 'lah-tay'. It's a latte."
  "OH, NO, I'm pretty sure it's 'late'."
  
• ...by asking for a flavored latte, and when they ask what flavor shot you want, ask for a bunch of ones you're pretty sure they don't have, and then be flabbergasted by the fact that they don't have them.
  "What flavor?"
  "I'll have salmon. No salmon? Oh, OK... hmmm... broccoli, then. NO BROCCOLI?? It's a pretty common flavor. What about nacho or ranch flavoring? NO??! *--sigh--* All right, I'll just take barbecue. No barbecue flavor? You can get anything barbecue flavored!!"
  
• ...by leaning forward very close to the person and whispering. Let your eyes dart around as you order as if you are doing something illegal.
  

Feel free to make up your own.

My new obsession: Worms 3-D!!

You really need to be a Worms fan to get this.

The original Worms was released in 1994, but the phenomenon started way before that.

One of the first games I ever played on any computer was one called something like Artillery Duel. There were 2 stationary tanks on a hilly landscape. Each player, one at a time, chose the angle, and the power that your missile will take. You watched the path your missile took, and adjusted your shot on your next turn accordingly. It was amazingly simple, and very addicting, especially for the math/computer geek crowd, of which I was among.

Sometime in the 80's, someone made another version of this, but it was gorillas chucking bananas at each other -- but it was the same concept.

The game was released in Basic for PC's. There were versions for Mac. There were Atari/Colecovision/Intellivision versions. But it was always basically the same -- take turns shooting little rockets at each other.

Then, the fellas at Team 17 took it to the next step. And it was Worms. All of the computer geeks were waiting for this game, we just didn't know it until we saw it. It was beautiful -- all the simplicity of artillery duel, but this time you were controlling worms toting a powerful and hilarious assortment of weapons. Bazookas, bananas, and exploding sheep... it was amazing.

The series continued with Worms 2, Worms Armageddon and Worms World Party. There were a couple others in the series, and a few spin-offs as well (like Worms Blast). Each added new ways to play, new weapons, and new graphics, but it was still the 2 dimensional, simple-graphic blastfest.

The next generation of turn-based explosion fun has arrived.

Say hello to Worms 3-D.

The GOOD: Gameplay, menus and price. The game is just a jump in and shoot stuff party in a box. It is so easy to navigate the menus. In fact, if you are just interested in a little bit of fun, one click on the main menu gets you there. You can hop in and play for a few minutes. You'll most likely play for a few hours. I was actually in bed the other night, having a little trouble sleeping, while visions of bouncing worms danced in my head. I got up and played for an hour when I should have been sleeping. The insane amount of weapons and play modes are wonderful, and the "Wormpot" allows you to pick random modes -- there's well over 10,000 ways to bend the rules of physics and gameplay. I have the game on my Playstation 2, and at $30 brand new, I've already gotten my money's worth.

The BAD: Doesn't keep track of your stats, and the awards system has bugs. The only complaint I have so far: In Worms World Party for Playstation, it kept track of your team's wins and losses... this one doesn't bother to do that. It was kind of fun to keep track of... how many worms killed, how many of your worms were lost, etc. Also, one of the greatest things about the Worms game is the fact that they distribute awards at the end of the match -- most deadly worm, most useless worm, etc. The awards come up at the end, and don't seem very imaginative, and it seems like they show awards even when no one gets it. Just about every game I've played ends with the message: Most Accurate Team: . It seems like a simple thing that should have been picked up in QA.

The UGLY: The camera gets in its own way on occasion. The problem with the 3D camera is that it tries to follow the worm, but sometimes walls and landscape make it hard to see your worm and where he might be heading. I have fallen into the water and stepped on land mines, and had it be a COMPLETE surprise. There is a first-person view, as well as a "blimp view" from over head that helps a little, but it still seems that there are places you can't see as you move around.


Any flaws are excusable so far, and I can't recommend this enough.

Enjoy!

This weekend I watched Equilibrium.

A simple story		A complicated tale
Seen it before		A fresh perspective
Visually ordinary		Special effects-y

Why had I never heard of this film?? It was a good one for me. It had elements of many sci-fi movies I like... Matrix, Dark City, stuff like that. I liked it a bunch.

The point of the film: The people in charge decide that the only way to prevent warfare is to prevent people from getting all emotional about things. They make a drug that removes the furor and excitement that leads to war. It actually deadens all emotions. Having any emotions at all is a Sense Offense. There is, of course, and underground which deals in feelings....

But how do you enforce such a thing? Well, there are these Clerics who are sort of empathic -- they feel when others feel. They find the Sense Offenders, and, generally, shoot them.

If you like action/adventure and science fiction with a little dash of something-to-think-about, this is a good pick. If you don't like people taking a bullet, I would steer clear of the film -- many folks get taken down. And the bloodletting gets more real and bloody as the film progresses.

There are some problems with the concept -- everyone is supposed to be completely unfeeling, but even the Clerics, the most unfeeling off all, have pride and loyalty. One Cleric even tells another how happy he was that they were working together. You might want to leave words like "happy" out of the language of someone who has no feeling. They sort of explain it away a little as being words that we have used forever, and we still use them in the same context, even if they have no meaning. It's brought up a couple times in the film, in terms of using phrases like "I'm sorry," as being just a rejoinder to some event, rather than something that has actual meaning. And we all do stuff like that all the time -- next time someone asks, "How ya doin?" answer truthfully, don't just say, "Fine."

Overall, the movie succeeded on most levels, so I recommend it! Good for watching, and for talking about afterward.

Last weekend I watched Underworld.

A simple story		A complicated tale
Seen it before		A fresh perspective
Visually ordinary		Special effects-y

It was way poorer than I expected. They effectively used slow-motion, camera angles, editing, bland color palettes, sound effects, and actors that all look exactly alike to completely obfuscate what could have been a pleasant, exciting story.

The opening scene which takes place in a subway and involves a lot of shooting really set the tone. I had no idea who was shooting at whom. The whole time I was thinking, "Didn't they just show that guy in a different place?" I'm not sure if one guy was moving around, or the actors just looked so much alike that I was unknowingly thinking of two different people singly.

I guess there is kind of big twist towards the end, but by that time you probably don't care -- you just want all of them, Vampires, Werewolves, whatever, to just kind of kill each other off.

If there is ever a Mystery Science Theater 4000, I would recommend this as the first installment. I was cracking jokes at the screen the whole time.

There is some shooting, there is some action, there are some semi-decent special effects when the werewolves are far away (when they are close they just look like rubber masks), but it is WAY too long. And the soundtrack is horrible. The music has lots of industrial thumps and slams at ridiculous places, making you think that door are being slammed and people are jumping around when none of that is happening. The sound is possibly the most distracting of all.

My candidate!

I've been agonizing over who to vote for in the next election for some time now. It is obviously not Bush. He can't even wipe the lying smirk off his face. You can see the little thought bubble over his head, "I can't believe they're buying this stuff! I don't even believe what I'm saying! Don't laugh... don't laugh... Hey, somebody prop up Dick Cheney! He's falling over."

Anyone who knows me well knows that I cannot endorse Kerry, the "frontrunner". It's because he has a long face. I don't like horses, pointy-nose dogs, or Jay Leno. The long face freaks me out for some reason. And Kerry's got a long one. Somebody push that silly putty back in place, and we'll talk.

John Edwards was my man for a long time. He's a nice guy, and he kept his promise of announcing his candidacy on The Daily Show before the "official" announcement the next day. The problem with Edwards -- Stephen Colbert summed it up after John Edwards kept his promise -- "It's just this kind of honesty and integrity that will make it impossible for him to attain the presidency."

And then there's Dean. He's always seemed a little crazy. I'm surprised he hasn't spontaneously lashed out and bitten anyone on his tour yet.

So my endorsement goes for the fellow on this shabbily put together website recycled from 4 years ago.

[This one might be construed as foul, but I have to go with it...]

This is a graffiti report, of sorts.

I was in the usual bathroom stall, and someone had written something offensive to some group of people. I might have been offensive to african americans or gay americans, it actually doesn't matter. What matters is the response -- someone wrote, directly beneath the offensive message, simply this:

"Asshoe"

It was as clear as anything. The penmanship was exceptional, and the placement was such that it was an obvious response. It wasn't as if the missing letter was wiped off, or glommed in together with another letter, it was just not there.

So then I was thinking that maybe the author meant "Asshoe". Maybe it's the name of a band I haven't heard of (and it's a darn good name, if you ask me!).

Or maybe it's the name of a new product! The Asshoe!

Do you find it a hassle to wipe after using the toilet? Well, Wilson™ lawn products has the answer for you! The Asshoe. With a sturdy oak handle, and a metal scraping device situated at a perfect 90 degree angle, it is the personal cleansing device you've been waiting for. Durable, convenient and dishwasher-safe. The Asshoe, from Wilson™. Available now at drugstores and home centers everywhere.

This could be a new trend...

Wilson™ home products toiletry line introduces the new Wilson™ Personal Bidet. A fresh, cool spray of cleansing water is the perfect way to end a trip to the bathroom. The Wilson™ Personal Bidet is 50 ft. of green hose designed for both indoor and outdoor use. You'll be feeling squeaky clean all day after using the Wilson™ Personal Bidet. AND, with our nozzle attachments, you can adjust the strength and width of the flow, for maximum effectiveness. And don't forget to try the Wilson™ Asshoe! Available soon at drugstores and home centers everywhere.

I have to jump in on the Janet Jackson thing. Now, listen, I really don't care about her OR the Superbowl -- I saw none of it. I am just sick of hearing about her little boobout on national television.

I was reading about the Pepsi commercial/video with some pop singers doing "We Will Rock You" in a gladiator arena on Elizabeth's blog. I went to that web site, and, when scrolling down found a couple bits about Superbowl ads.

Many people are complaining that Janet's boob was forced upon them. Did anybody complain about the commercials?!?

The quote that really jumped out at me and slammed the issue home was this:

"One of a number of crotch-focused Super Bowl ads..." **

But, apparently 1.72 seconds of a nipple-covered breast is more damaging to our fragile youth.



** - the complete quote:

"One of a number of crotch-focused Super Bowl ads, this one features two dog owners who meet near a cabin in the woods to demonstrate their animals' skills at retrieving bottles of Bud Light. The winning dog attacks the genitals of one man, forcing him to throw his bottle of Bud Light into the air. The other man catches it and smiles wickedly."

MY NEW GUITAR!

This weekend, I bought a Silvertone Sovereign Special Paul Stanley guitar! Check that thing out. What a crazy purchase.

I have been wanting a new electric guitar for a while. I did not want to spend more than $200... I don't play out at all, it's just a toy. For fun. I went out this weekend with the goal of coming home packing ax.

I saw a bunch of very nice Fender guitars (kind of what I wanted), but none were less than $350. That is just too much to spend on what will really be a big old toy.

The guitar you see to the left was in the window. It kind of called to me. I grabbed it, sort of jokingly... "A Paul Stanley guitar! Hee hee!"

This is very important: I am not a Kiss fan. It's not that I don't like them; they can play some rocking tunes! But there is absolutely NO REASON for me to own a Paul Stanley guitar. NONE. I do not now, nor have I EVER owned any music by Kiss. Owning this guitar would be silly.

So I knew pretty quickly it was exactly what would have to happen.

ALSO, the pick guard, and the ornament up by the tuning knobs are MIRRORS. Mirrors! This actually matches my bar, which is covered with shards of glass. (No part of my apartment is child friendly.) The guitar-bar connection certainly helped to seal the deal.

The sticker price: $199.00.

It was way too perfect.

I asked to take it for a test drive... they gave me a cable and an amp which had reverb and distortion built in. I sloppily ran through some warm-up type stuff on this out of tune window model. I played some open chords -- awesome. I played some power chords -- awesome. I played through a punked version of I Ain't Your Steppin' Stone by the Monkees -- AWESOME**. As I played, the new strings fell more out of tune, and the reverb and distortion just enhanced the dissonance.

I was in love.

It's mine.





** (Steppin Stone: play bar/power chords based on E: E - G - A - C for the verse and chorus...each chord is a little higher up the neck... there is a quick E - GAG thing after each chorus that just is super fast and rocking. Awesome.)

Last night I watched Killers From Space...

A simple story		A complicated tale
Seen it before		A fresh perspective
Visually ordinary		Special effects-y

I have this odd attraction towards movies that are so bad that they are good. This movie is perfectly awe-ful (sic). It stars a young Peter Graves as a nuclear scientist observing the first nuclear tests from an airplane. The controls of his plane freeze up over the nuclear test site, and he crash lands. His body is not found, but he is assumed dead.

Soon after, he is found staggering back to the military base. He has no memory of the crash, and he is perfectly healthy, except for an odd scar on his chest.

Eventually, his memory does return, and he begins babbling about some subterranean aliens, breeding giant-sized versions of insects and reptiles, that are plotting to destroy the world! Of course, everyone thinks he's a nut.

Peter Graves is actually pretty good, but my brain kept flashing to him as the pilot in Airplane who asks the little boy "Have you ever seen a a grown man naked?" That was a little distracting. Humorous, but distracting.

The alien makeup was just great. In order to make aliens, they used what look like half ping pong balls with little holes in them to give them bug-out eyes. THAT WAS IT. Hilarious. Sometimes the holes weren't lined up very well, so they looked googly-eyed. OH! AND soon after Peter Graves comes back from the crash, he's having a nightmare where he sees JUST these eyes in front of him. They show this vision of the floating eyes before you ever actually see the aliens, and all I could think during that first vision scene was "Why is Peter Graves imagining a pair of breasts floating in space?"

There is another scene where P.G. encounters the 'giant' animals. I think it goes on for 20 minutes. It is just him in front of a blue screen, where they show animals behind him. The video fills up the screen so that they look huge. Sort of. The effect is pretty poor. I think it's supposed to be terrifying, but it's just kind of funny.

I don't know if Mystery Science Theater ever mocked this one, but they should have.

I highly recommend it.