• THE THING: The bathroom closest to my office
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        writing on the wall.
            old urine-caked toilet seat.
                loogie in the sink.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  Ah, there's just nothing better than slamming your butt cheeks down onto a toilet seat... and sticking there.
  
  (If you haven't figured it out already, this might not be the best blog to read for the weak-of-stomach.)
  
  The students here are unreal... There are FIVE urinals! FIVE. If you need to pee, use them. Or if you absolute need to use the stall toilets, please lift up the seat. How hard is that??
  
  Urg. Everytime I go in there, it is like instead of a hose-shaped penis, the last user actually had an entire sprinkler system. It's incredible how much urine is on the seats, floor, walls, etc.
  
  So, I usually carry a Lysol Sanitizing Wipe™ (Citrus Scent) in there with me to try to eliminate a little of the hordes of giant microbes that are in there with me.
  
  At leats I can come out and wash my hands and end the horrific experience with a false sense of cleanliness.
  
  Alas, no.
  
  I exited the stall to see a student horking up phlegm in front of the mirror, and spits the most viscous loogie I have ever seen. It hits smack-dab on top of the faucet spout, and stretches down to make a connected line from the faucet to the bottom of the sink. There would be no way to wash your hands without getting snot on your hands.
  
  Just yummy.
  
  This little jar of Purell™ in my office is not going to last very long.