• THE THING: A house closing
  
• THE HAIKU REVIEW:
        Never sell a house.
            Nice people become evil,
                and lawyers lick ass.
  
• THE FULL REVIEW:
  I've been away from Blogging for a while... I wondered if I still remembered how.
  
  Apparently, I do.
  
  So we closed on a house last night. It was not fun at all. The whole process started out nice -- nice people, we did a lot of things for them -- cut the price of the house by $13,000, let them store stuff in the yards, take days off work to have different people come to the house to look at things, make special trips to the house so they could measure and test paint colors, let their whole family come, uninvited, to hang out there.
  
  And then they turned around and screwed us. They had agreed to assume the sewer assessment, which was about $900 a year... turned out to be $8000 all together. Well, the contract we signed didn't include any mention of it. We didn't know it was supposed to be in there! APPARENTLY, if it's not in there, in falls to the seller. Our lawyer tells us this AFTER WE SIGNED THE DAMN THING! He tells us that is the way the law is, and that we should have known and made sure it was in there. I immediately wondered what we were paying him for!!! If we're supposed to know everything we could just do it OURSELVES! And he is a whiny, sniveling little worm. So I asked what we could do... he said, "Nothing. That's the law. You will lose if you try to fight this. The best you could hope for is tieing it up in the court system for two years, at the end of which you will still lose." Great.
  
  So I call the buyers to try to appeal to their sense of morality. Apparently their lawyers had scraped that away before I got to them. They caved a little, but they really just gave us a token amount to appease the whiny sellers. The whiny sellers who have given them EVERYTHING -- a BRAND NEW stove, a practically new washer and dishwasher, and we left about $1000 of lawn care equipment (hedge trimmers, lawnmower, weedwacker, fertilizer/seed sprayer, and other random tools) to welcome them to the new house! I'm glad I haven't mowed in 2 months.
  
  Basically, our lawyer screwed us, they're lawyer screwed us more, and the buyers backed them up.
  
  My only hope is that the deer have wandered through enough of the knee deep grass to deposit thousands of Lyme Disease ridden ticks that will infect them and their offspring with an incurable debilitating disease.
  
  I don't get angry. Ever. Not really -- I mean I make jokey empty threats at drivers that annoy me, and I never wish people ill. But now I'm angry. I don't like it.
  
  And, although it doesn't feel like it -- at least it is over.